Don’t Be Scary, Be Enchanting Instead
October 30, 2012 by Lynn Faughey
I’ve always loved the expression, “You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar”. It seems to hold true that when you’re nice to people, they’re nice to you. And it certainly makes it a lot easier to go to work every day when you like your co-workers, especially since you spend more time with them than your family sometimes! I know I’ve heard comments from friends who don’t love their jobs, but enjoy the people they work with – and most agree they’d rather have it that way than the other way around.
Rose and I recently attended the Inc. 500 conference in Phoenix, where we had the opportunity to hear Guy Kawasaki discuss his new book:Enchantment – The Art of Changing Hearts, Minds and Actions. Kawasaki defines enchantment as a way of transforming situations and relationships. By converting hostility into civility and civility into affinity, it changes skeptics and cynics into believers – and the undecided into the loyal. Kawasaki states that, “In business and personal interactions, your goal is not merely to get what you want but to bring about a voluntary, enduring, and delightful change in other people. By enlisting their own goals and desires, by being likable and trustworthy, and by framing a cause that others can embrace, you can change hearts, minds and actions.”
I know many of us can relate to the frustration of dealing with a difficult person. Whether it’s a co-worker, supervisor, neighbor or relative, some people seem to go out of their way to make everyone around them uncomfortable. Unfortunately, these people often end up getting what they want, which certainly doesn’t provide them a reason to change. Kawasaki’s focus is on building genuine and positive relationships in all of our interactions. He states, “Step One is achieving likability, because jerks seldom enchant people.” He has a point. While these “less than enchanting” people push our buttons and make us cringe, they all too often get away with it. Kill them with kindness! Much like the Grinch, whose heart grew three sizes, it’s hard to be a jerk when someone is kind to you.
People prefer to work and interact with people they like. Kawasaki feels that likability and trustworthiness are two keys to becoming the enchanting new you. There’s a lot more to Kawasaki’s book and I definitely recommend it as an interesting perspective on how you and your co-workers can function better as a team. The biggest point I want to make regarding what I took away from the conference is – be likable! Being nice is contagious, especially when it starts with the team leader. Instead of ruling with a scary hammer, rule with an enchanting smile instead. If nothing else, it’ll make people wonder what you’re up to!